Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
