I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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