Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
