shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
