So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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