I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
