I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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