Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
