I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
