My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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