My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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