I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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