I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
