I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
