Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
