Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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