I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
