You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
