I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
