Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
