What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
