Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i drank out of a bidet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Terrible idea I love it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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