i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
