I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
