Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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