we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
