I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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