I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
