i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Randomize
