So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
