You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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