We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Mom said you looked used
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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