I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
