remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
two words...techno handjob
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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