Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
