She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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