Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
