So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
