I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
