Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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