I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
