I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
