Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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