he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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