he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
