I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Best friends brother. Beat that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
