Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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