I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
FUCK WHALES
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
