I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
