the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
