it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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