The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
