Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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